Rejoice Wonderful Women! It is Wednesday,
It has been an interesting week, I know. If it could happen it did happen. People are acting outside of themselves with you. You are reacting outside of who you are with them. Please take a break; you need it to maintain the best version of you. If you are at work try to tune out the noises around you, if you are home close the door. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Take another deep breath and imagine you have gathered all of the stuff, people and situations into that breath and as you let it out slowly imagine you are pushing those things as far away from you as possible. So far in fact that you would need a car to bring it all back to you. Take a third breath, this time you are gathering in peace, quiet, balance, and strength. When you let this breath out imagine all of these things surrounding you in perfect balance so that you may call upon them for the rest of the week. Now begin to think about one good thing about you or one thing you are thankful for. Begin to thank God for that quality. Take a few minutes in praise let God know how you feel because you have this one thing. You will flow into worship because it is hard not to say thank you when you think about that one thing, worship leads to think about more. Accept the invitation to join Him for some quality one on one time.
When you emerge from that celebration hopefully you will feel refreshed. You should also leave understanding more about who you are and what you are called to do. Last week we began to explore the concept of worth and value. In your worship time I hope you had an opportunity to allow God to remind you of your worth to Him and on your personal level (how you see yourself) your worth to your purpose and destiny. You are precious to God. You are precious to those around you. I understand that as women we switch hats to meet needs for friends, family, church, employers and community throughout the day. We give each group the time and attention required and sometimes, well… sometimes we give more than we receive. Over time we end up not feeling very valuable. Your worth in the Kingdom, to your assignment and indeed to God has not changed. It may be you need rethink how you and others consider your value in the relationship.
Value is concerned more with applicable or available worth. It is generally more immediate. It is about what you can do for another and for how long (and visa versa). It is about what one brings to the table that can be accessed quickly and easily. Dry cleaning in an hour, pizza delivered in thirty minutes or it is free, with basic information you are expected to create a polished report by 3:00 p.m. and it is 11:00 a.m. are a few examples of value versus worth. Each example is possible. Each example satisfies a right now need with little to no thought about the long term. Let’s consider the long term. What happens to a relationship when one does the taking and the other is always the giver? You know, the “friend” you only hear from when she needs something, usually money. You like her, you enjoy hanging out with her to catch up, there are lots of laughs but you can feel something hanging over the conversation. The sense there is more to the visit. The visit goes well and finally the tone of the conversation shifts-there it is “can you loan me”, “I was wondering if you could give me” or other such lead in statements. Like most, you remember when you needed help and you re-arrange a few things to make it happen for her. Crisis averted, maybe there is a phone call here, you know to keep in touch, broken lunch there (she was supposed to pay you back at lunch), a few cryptic emails or texts over the next few months with half promises and excuses until the time between communications lengthens until eventually nothing. Gradually you deal with the disappointment and perhaps you might even say lesson learned, hope she enjoys that last favor.
Then one day the phone rings and it begins again. How do you feel when you realize you are only as valuable to her as your debit card allows? What happens when you get to the point that you must say no? This is where many of us (I raised my hand too) struggle. As nurturers we do not like to see any one fail. We are raised to take care of everyone so that the group succeeds. Saying no is difficult for those very reasons because we do not want to disappoint. We do not want to feel responsible for the fail. We want to avoid conflict and confrontation. Takers understand this thought process. It is what makes them perpetually successful. However, when you realize it is time to say no, which is a perfectly acceptable answer that requires no explanation, you must also realize that the relationship will change and could end. We do not like the experience of loss but sometimes it has to happen for our good. Protect your value by not allowing your relationships to be reduced to the “gimmes”. I did not say never help anyone, never give anything. I am saying wisdom is critical here.
Perhaps it is not money; perhaps it is how others perceive and use your talents and gifts. Where are my sisters who own a business? You can back me up on this; how many ways on any given day of the month does someone ask you for the “family discount”? The question is posed in such a way that you are boxed into saying yes. Saying yes too many times hurts your bottom line and what happens when you have to say no? If the person is as close to you as they suggest they will take a step back to understand the cost of what they are asking. If the relationship changes because you protected your value be encouraged, there is a customer base that will honor you with their business at full price and they will send more business your way. Even allowing the resources for your business to be used the wrong way takes a toll on how you are valued. Just like you cannot re-wind time, you cannot un-spray, un-polish, or un-wear things in the name of sisterhood. Appreciate your time and talent enough to have that difficult conversation. If they really are family (DNA connected included) they will understand. Your relationship will become stronger, look at that! Your value and personal worth just went up.
Wonderful Women all of us have something of value to bring to the table. The world uses words like master, or skill for anything hands on. Intellectual Property (IP), savvy or expert is assigned to the ideas that nurture birth and grow. These words are applicable in both situations, but they do not help us fully appreciate our value the way God sees our value. He uses words like gift, talent, or wisdom. These words go beyond the surface to speak to what it took to manifest. That is where we can appreciate our value.
It’s all ‘bout love,
Trudy
Trudy G Doleman Copyright 2000